Twisted

Doing science society application and chinese at the same time. SO Frigging bored that i decided to blog again.

Just finished writing a letter to tjc. A long, long love letter.

I seriously dun mind rejoining band, but the people there totally disgust me, especially the comm.

The entire frigging clique just control all the stuff going in the band=.= makes me very sick of band.

Its funny to know that even if bryan were to return to dhs and not go to poly, he most prolly won't join back band too. and to think that he was the closest to the comm, then me who is IN THE COMM, and how all the others just suck up to bryan so that he will stay.

CAN'T THEY JUST GIVE US A CHOICE? WHY MUST THEY TRY TO PERSUADE US? seriously, its just making things worse.

If they gave me and ivory a choice, we most prolly won't leave. But too late now. FOR U.

Seriously, our seniors get defamed for nothing-.- they did nth wrong, just followed their hearts and go wherever it took them. and juniors who never heard about them blamed and hated them, because they didn't know how great these seniors were, assisting us in our every step, making things less stressful for us, gave us encouragement when we needed them.

All the best to those taking A levels :D hope yall do well. :D P.S. I'll be praying for yall:D IN MY OWN WAY.

Rambling stuff on my mind out.

I am turning crazy soon.

Woke up right in the middle of a sleep sweaty during an afternoon nap.

Felt like bashing my head right in the wall today on the bus. Tormented by my own ghosts again.

Is this normal? How could it happen to me? Its not like I dun have enough sleep then like that what. I used to sleep 10 hours and i still suffered.

Maybe I am like Macbeth, going to be killed by my own pride.

If that's the case, you are the witch. You made me believe in false hope, then crushed me like asbestos, making me a disease, a terminal disease.

Twisted, like my earpiece wire, like my very bloodvessels, like my very mind.

I just hope I won't kill myself over this torment.

9.11.11 @ 9.11.11

let the sun rain down on me

Feeling down nowadays.

Became so sick of playing Dota that i nearly feel like kicking my own groin.

Things aren't exactly going the way it is supposed to be for me. I mean, how did i even get such lousy grades-.-. so totally not me.

A lonely speaker in the conversation, the words swimming in the head, going nowhere..

Gonna continue writing my blog after a hiatus of nearly a year. Sorta too stressed to do any other stuff.

I really hope that nobody ever remembered I had a blog, so that they wouldn't come and check this blog.

This reminds me.... my blog is still linked to cleon's class blog...... and 4K haven't got a class blog yet.......

Mind is totally in a whirl.... I really wish to talk to you, but i cannot bear the thought of you with him....

Am i coward? I really think I am. Yes that's rhetorical-.-

I really hoped that i told you how i felt a year ago. I came so close. the day at the library, i was just so frigging close....

Things aren't the way they were with you and me, nor are you the same person a year ago. Why did you change so much?

I changed too. Not really for the better. But I was happier this way. Are you happier?

I look like some idiot having some weird monologue with myself.

Love is made of fumes of sighs, so is the tears welling up in my heart.

HKLM

8.11.11 @ 8.11.11

A new post

I decided to start blogging this year because firstly, its becoming too stressful to keep everything to myself, and secondly, i just wanna find sth to do to distract me from computer games:p. At least blogging is healthier than DOtA Lod...

This year is really going to be stressful. Trust me, I have prophetic powers:D. 2 weeks into the school term and I have a file with enough papers to last me two months last year. School life is so chaotic that I find myself sometimes going totally blank on what is going on in my life. The last math pop quiz was a classic example of how messed up I am. I actually can mix up sine ratio with tangent ratio.. Totaly unforgivable...

Chaotic school life + band life = dead man. I seriously dread band now. I just couldn't get anything right. Ten weeks to the SYF and my sl tells me that I have a muted tone that is so distinct from the others that even if my intonation is correct, i still sound different from my section. She asked me to do sth abt it. I asked her what? I dun know! She says, "I dunno too. Have to ask Ivory and Mr Ng." I went ><. Then I went ==. Now i feel --> *.* . What am i supposed to do? As if being put on probation is not stressful enough.. Seeing everybody succeeding in their CCA really makes me jealous. What made me such a failure in band? Was it my pessimistic and suspicious attitude towards everything? Or was it purely my stupidity and retardedness that laid the path to my own destruction in Year 4? I am not saying that I am going to quit band. Its just... so hard to satisfy myself. Even though people are seriously kind to me, but I know I am never good enough. I see everyone looking at me and questioning, why is this guy the QM? He can't even differentiate A from F #!

I did slacken nearing the end of last year and the start of this year. Because of SSEF, I had to sacrifice much of the practice hours to do the science project. Its becoming harder to juggle sch work, SSEF and Band now. So many things are burdened upon my shoulders that I feel myself shrinking from the weight of it.

I really feel like throwing everything into the wind and allowing it to traverse the land and disperse itself into countless seedlings, although to the best of my knowledge, the cruel twist of fate would turn these seedlings into giant, ominous forests...

18.1.11 @ 18.1.11